1.1

This is a piece of fiction ; Part 1

You know the feeling of having something weighing down on your chest? You feel something heavy, a pressure pulling you down; pushing down on your fragile heart. I don’t know what that is. But it’s there, making it difficult for me to breath, think, and speak. I don’t know what to feel, how to feel. Anxiety, stress, depression are a few names they use to describe it. But what is it? A burden I have no intention of having, yet it is still there.

Robbing me of serenity, it’s paining me, mocking me, knowing I seize the knowledge of how to vanquish it. But do I have that knowledge? They say sometimes holding tight to the rope is what bleeds your hands, then should I let go? Let it all out, like a scream of thoughts. When I think of it, I think of a dark shadow figure that feeds on uncertainty, on fear of not doing the right thing. What if the only way of eliminating it, is holding on to it so I could then let it go. A sacrifice, a little pain instead of lot of it. Do you know that feeling? How can something so evil live within us? Not only does it live within us, but it is birthed within us, it is us; part of us.

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  1. THAT feeling is the worst. The majority of my life was consumed in that. And to make things so much worse, I am on the empathic side, so I feel. A lot. It’s crazy. Nuts. But that feeling weighing on your chest left me almost seven years ago. Shit, a whole lot of contributing factors. Becoming a vegetarian, meditation, daily positive affirmations? I dunno. All of it I guess because something happened to me (I’m pretty sure I never blogged about as it is of the most personal nature that I guess I feel compelled to share now lol). I had something that was bothering me. I couldn’t shake it. This feeling in my chest. I spent weeks shaking my head about this GOOD feeling. Until one day, I decided to get in touch with mySelf and see what was going on. A meditation looking inward. (gawd, just shaking my head and remembering that feeling haha. In my mind as I was moving into this meditation, I had a question to my Self in mind. What is this feeling? “This is Peace” were the words that came back to me and I hate crying but that took a number on me. I had no idea what peace in my own body and mind felt like. Where do you put that knowledge you have about your self? Almost seven years later and I am still clueless. Be Good. Be Kind. Help wherever and whenever. Apologies! I know this was meant to be just a “response” but your blog is incredibly inciteful, which I appreciate. Plus my sisters have two new best friends, Lilly, and Lillianna, and you make a great L to the list lol. Joking, you were around waaaaaaaaaaay before those creeps jumped in haha. Take care!

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